If you thought making an ancient Egyptian mummy was just a matter of wrapping a body in bandages, think again! It was a long, complicated, and sometimes gruesome process. What happened to the intestines, lungs, and other soft inside bits? How did they get the brain out of the skull? What did they use to dry the body out, and how long did that take? All these questions were lurking in my head, that’s when my family planned a trip to Egypt. And guess what! I met an actual mummy, Mr. Mummific, a king of Egypt who went through it all himself, and ended up a mummy with attitude. I met him in the museum.

asked him about everything. I wanted to know each and every detail. And so he began…

Now we all know mummies are wonderful. If anyone disagrees, I would ask: who are the main visitor attraction of any museum, hmm?” “The mummies” of course. “We have been observing your burial methods with concern. I mean really – if you are not embalmed, all you are left with is a skeleton. I tell you, skeleton folks are not very popular in the afterlife. They are way too thin to please the eye, and it is very hard for them to keep themselves together during outdoor activities. Also, they are not favored guests at a dinner party. Have you ever seen a skeleton eat? No, I bet not. A very messy business the servants have to clean up all the mess afterwards because the food slides between the bones and fall off. The only ones who are happy to have skeletons at dinner are the family dogs. All the dogs gather around the skeleton to eat the fallen food. The dogs don’t have to eat for days after these bony guests visit. Some of the dogs have eaten so much that their mummy wrapping burst open.”, he giggled. I couldn’t stop laughing after imagining it.

“After I died, I had many processes to go through, messengers were sent across the land to let my subjects know I had died.” I asked him if he knew he was dead or not. Mr. Mummific felt light when he woke up, he had died in his sleep. The castle was in chaos and when a servant ran right into him, he realized he was dead. “When a king dies the citizens cry, grieve with loud voices, sprinkle mud over them and pull out their hair.”, he said in a deep voice. I believe I looked very shocked and so he had to remind me this was the olden times. And then he offered me the thing I was waiting for. The offer to actually show me all this!! I held his bandaged hand and ZOOM! We went back many centuries. Just like time travel but without a machine. Believe me there were many drama queens out there, especially the ones with long silky hair who didn’t want to pull it off.

“First they washed me. I had lots of problem with my weight and I was obese. The soldiers who pulled me from the palace made fun of me calling me a hippo. They didn’t know I could hear them.”, he said with anger. Next was the gutting process they cut him on his hip and took out his intestines. Uh!! A very bad sight for me. Now I can’t sleep peacefully for a week. If people tell you if you have the guts then do it, just do it. Believe me you have a lot of guts. It took 45 minutes to remove Mr. Mummific’s ! “Next, they put a stick into your nose which is very unpleasant.” Thinking about it now it looked like a test to see if you have Covid-19. But this one was to take out your brain. All of us have one, right?

Our next stop was a tent. He said, “They then salted me for 40 days it was very boring floating about. I tried scaring some people as I was a ghost but no one got scared.”, he said disappointed.

Fast forward to the most awaited process, the wrapping! “They put the key of life and beetles inside the box they would keep me in and started wrapping me. They added some essential oil to preserve my skin.” For me to exactly understand it, I had to go for the tour we planned in Egypt. I had met Mr. Mummific in the middle of the tour we had planned.

“They put golden rings in all my fingers and toes and made me wear slippers.They also placed the 4 jars with my internal organs in the box. My heart was taken to weigh.” In Egypt, they believe that if you were honest then your heart will be lighter than the ostrich feather otherwise you don’t deserve to be a mummy. But I couldn’t understand why dead person need slippers. Almost as if he read my mind, he told me that they believed in afterlife.

Bullocks were brought to take Mr. Mummific’s coffin to the Valley of the Kings. It is a tourist spot. I saw it from way above in a hot air balloon. His coffin was made of pure gold. The priest was called to perform the last rites before Mr Mummific was laid to rest finally. Pretty much like our customs. They kept all his favorite things he used when he was alive near him and closed the cave.

That was it. I had seen the long process of becoming a mummy. It was time to bid farewell. Mr. Mummific was sad as he rarely had visitors. But I could assure him that there are many people out there who are fascinated by the thought of mummification. Let me tell you, this is no dream or fantasy. Think about mummification and Mr. Mummific would be pleased to take you for a tour. Just like I went!